Everybody Loves Axel
by AphroditeisaFangirl
Summary: And apparently Reno's a Golden God. Crack!Tastic little skit. Featuring Kairi and Cloud as Narrators, Larxene as the only slightly sane person and Axel singing DDR. Rated for scaryness.
1. Chapter 1

**Uh...so...my friends and I made this at the hours between 12 and two a.m.**

**So uh...don't hurt me too much. xD**

**I don't own KHII. Or Everbody Loves Raymond. Even though I've never seen the latter. Yeah.**

**There's actually a long story behind this. But I think I've repressed it. So yeah. FEAR THE CRACK!**

Warnings: OOC. Cursing. Yaoi. Crack!

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**Cloud and Kairi are narrators. Sometimes. **

**Everybody Loves Axel**

Cloud: Once upon a time, far, far away in a world that doesn't even fucking exist…I mean…Let me try that again.

Kairi: Nope, you messed up. Deal. You can't just re-wind. It doesn't work that way, sorry to inform you.

Cloud: …But…

Kairi: Once upon a time in a land rather close to here…well, actually _right _here as I'm standing on it. Which makes one wonder what I mean by 'Once upon a time' because…

Cloud: This isn't working.

Kairi: …Fuck.

Cloud: Um…

Kairi: Okay, I got it.

Cloud: Shoot.

Kairi: Once upon a time everybody loved Axel. And that's just how it worked. **_Got it memorized!_**

Cloud: He's going to kill you for that.

Kairi: This is when we just get onto the story.

Cloud: But the story's all about AXEL!

Axel: But you don't give a damn, because you _love me too much. _Right?

Kairi & Cloud: …Riiiight.

Axel: BOW TO ME BITCHES! BOW!


	2. Chapter 2

Act 2, Scene 1

**Lol.**

**Oh, by the by- I decided to make it so that whenever the narrators are NARRATORS it's in itallics. That's because next chapter they turn into normal characters...xD**

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Axel: Honey, I'm _hoooome. _

Larxene: Wrong show, dumbass.

Axel: …Shut up. Now where the hell is Roxas. He's supposed to be here to play the part of Honey.

Larxene: First of all, I _just _said, 'Wrong show, dumbass' and _secondly _did you REALLY think that the name was Honey!

Axel: That's the only part I ever saw!

Larxene: Well Roxas is shopping.

Axel: Ahhh, I love my little wife.

Larxene: You fucking moron.

Axel:…You love me.

Larxene: And it is a curse. A horrible, miserable, cruel curse that _I don't deserve. _

_Kairi: At this point, Larxene started to cry. Why? Because her love of Axel was overwhelming. Mainly because she hated him, but she really just couldn't hate him…because she loved him so god-damn much. _

_Cloud: Kairi, cursing isn't healthy._

_Kairi: Well you do it._

_Cloud: So?_

_Kairi: …Yo momma!_

Roxas: Larxene?

Axel: ROXAS! MY LOVELY LITTLE WIFE!

Roxas: Would you _stop calling me that? I'm a **guy **damnit. A **guy! **_

Larxene: Sniffle Roxas, stop being cruel. If Axel wants to call you a girl then _he can! _

_Cloud: Did **she **just say that?_

_Kairi: I think she did._

_Cloud: That's probably why the cast is shutting up long enough for us to narrate._

_Kairi: …Shouldn't we actually be narrating?_

_Cloud: …Damn, you're right._

_Kairi: Well,narrate!_

_Cloud: But…I don't know how to narrate! I'm a delivery boy! _

_Kairi: Don't worry Cloud! It's simple. Ahem. Everyone is suddenly quiet and…um…staring at Larxene in pure…Cloud, move your head I can't see the emotions on their faces._

_Cloud: Well Roxas looks rather terrified. Axel…hey, where did Axel go?_

_Kairi: Crap, we lost Axel._

_Cloud: Oh no! Shit! It's my entire fault! I wasn't watching carefully enough, I should have been paying more attention!_

_Kairi: You're so emo._

_Cloud: Well it's TRUE! It IS my fault!_

_Kairi: I think we need to find Axel. And like, soon._

_Cloud: Yeah._


	3. Chapter 3

**OHMYGAWDHIII! Yeah. I'm back.**

**ph34r it! **

**Thank ye's my two reveiwers who's names I can't remember since I fail at life! I LOVE YE'S! You get milk 'n cookies. And chips and dip. And marshmallows. **

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Roxas: Larxene? Are you okay?

Larxene: Actually…I think I might have had too much rum. Where'd Axel go?

Roxas: Oh drat! Where'd he run off to this- Larxene!

_Kairi: Oh no! Larxene just fainted!_

_Cloud: I should hope to be able to trust Roxas with Larxene, we can find Axel._

_Kairi: But Cloud…how? Oh wait…we exist too, don't we? I mean, in the story right?_

_Cloud: Let's hope!_

Kairi: **Roxas! Roxas can you hear us! **

Roxas: Duh, where'd you guys come from anyway?

Kairi: Uh…outside.

Cloud: Hey want us to find Axel?

Larexene: No! Nononononono. _We will not find Axel. Ever._

Roxas: But…but…bu-

Reno: I AM A GOLDEN GOD! BITCHE!

Kairi: I thought he was a red-head…

Cloud: Are we allowed to narrate and be characters at the same time?

Kairi: Uh…

Larxene: Narrate? Why the fuck would you two want to _narrate?_

Roxas: We're being Punk'd aren't we!

Axel: Are we going to meet Ashton! Oh my god! Aaaaashtoooon!

Roxas: Hey! I thought **I **was your _only _bitch!

Larxene: Dear fucking god. He's back. _Save me... _My love…it's…over…whelming.

Kairi: I think her brain's gone splooie from the love of Axel.

Cloud: Yeah…I preferred being a narrator.

Kairi: …Yeah.

Cloud: Hey, wasn't Re-Re here before?

Kairi: Re…Re…?

Cloud: Uh…

Reno: CLOU-CLOU!

Cloud: Fuck! Narrators! Now!

SWOOOOOSH!

Reno: Hey, where'd Clou-Clou go?

Axel: Reno!

Reno: Axel!

Roxas: Axel! We need to talk. I can't handle a relationship like this.

Axel: What must I do to prove my lurve?

Roxas: Uh…

Larxene: Make sweet, sweet love while I record it for my secret fangirlness. Uh… I mean.

Axel: _I'll sing for you!_

Roxas: That's is _so sweet!_

Axel and **_Cloud_ **and _Kairi_: IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! Where's my samurai! IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! I'm your little butteryfly! _Buttery? _Green, black and blue make the colors in the pie! **_Doesn't he mean 'in the sky'?_ **IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! IeeIeeI! I'm your little…nutterkie…butter…yeah! _Uh…does he even know the song? _Green, black and you make the colors in the die! **_Maybe he's just drunk_. **You're my shmaferai! _Really. Really. Drunk. _I'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A MAN! ALL ACROSS…uh…whereverweare! Just to find my SHAMMUMA…YOU! **_And Axel come up with a brilliant comeback! Kinda._ **Someone who is strong and still uh…UKE!

Larxene: Axel…I realize that your voice is the most amazing this to happen to the face of the planet but…I think that Roxas gets the point.

Roxas: Uh…yeah. I mean, it's the _thought _that counts right?

Axel: I _knew _that you'd love it! And me!

Roxas: Yeah…

Axel: …Right?

Roxas: Oh. Uh. _Yes. Yes my love! My dear! **My only one! **_

Reno: MARZIPAN!

Larxene: Nice way to ruin the mood.

_Cloud: Is that a giant purple cake?_

_Kairi: Dressed like a Barbie?_

Reno: No. Seriously. I have a cake made out of marizpan. WHO WANTS SOME!

Everyone except Cloud and Kairi: I DO!

_Kairi: Ew._

_Cloud: What the…_


End file.
